Random thoughts at 1 in the morning

I can't sleep.

Does it seem ironic to anyone else that at a point when your body (aging body that is ) seems to need more sleep, it's harder to get that sleep?

I got a shot of cortisone in my left hip today. I've had bursitis in my hip for years, haven't been able to sleep on that hip in ages, and finally it got to that point where I went to the doc for it. I was at that point where having an 6" needle stuck in my hip sounded like a good option. It was a somewhat painful injection (I actually squealed at one point), but if it works, it was worth it. I should feel some relief in 48 hours, but it may take a few weeks to know if the shot did the trick. If the one shot doesn't do the trick, I may need another injection.

I'm hoping there's no need to face the needle again.


My 20-year-old son, who is paining me with his growing pains, randomly sent me a picture on my camera today. Out of the blue, in the middle of the day, he sent me a photo of him and his sister when they were like ages 3 & 6. I think he sent it as sort of a "hey mom, don't you remember how cute I was and you still adore me, right?" message.

His message became the highlight of my day. I do so adore my kids. All around me I am surrounded by folks raising small children. My clients all have children under the age of 5. Several of my co-workers have young children. I love little kids and all the joy they bring to your life. If I was 10 years younger...

But having raised a few myself, I know how much work it is...and even how much work it still is having a 20 and 23 year old! I know my body couldn't go through all that again! Raising children consumes your life when you're in the midst of it. Kids become your priority and that's the way it should be.

But now, I'm sliding into that phase of my life when I get to reclaim my focus a bit...on myself and now, the relationship with my husband. It's really different sometimes. I still talk to my kids everyday if I can. I miss them like crazy if I don't see them every week. I still enjoy nurturing them with their favorite foods and things. I worry about them and I still want to protect them from the hard parts of life. Although there are days when I would like to worry about them less, I realize that day may never truly come. Yes, they will be more and more self-sufficient (they're well on their way) You can't just turn off the mommy meter that easily.

But you get to turn it down a notch or two.