Take me out to the ball game...

Unwinding by watching Baseball Tonight...just showed the top "Web Gems" of May...I just love the game. Yesterday Joel & I went to the game, along with my friend, Julie & her daughter, Hannah. We had a group of school kids behind us that were very enthusiastic fans. One young girl was quite a Torii Hunter fan...screaming at an incredible decibel every time Torii came to bat. I was most impressed with the young boy who was obviously a baseball fan...he knew his stuff.

Anyways, we won the game...with a walk-off walk. The Twins were behind most of the game and to win like that...we'll take it. We'll take the sweep.

The ball game was followed by a shopping trip--Hannah, Julie, & myself. I found shoes! I was exhausted when I got home and couldn't sleep again. Today I went out again...by myself...and was thrilled when I finally found a shawl that I liked that was on clearance. Also found jewelry to wear. So the only thing I need to pick up now is the bride & groom cake topper. I don't necessarily want something traditional...and yet I do.

Had one of those "frazzled bride" moments when I left the shopping mall today...couldn't find my car (I was driving the Hour Car...so not really my own vehicle). I was really starting to freak...but did find it over a few rows from where I thought I had parked it.

Tonight I'm going to crash...tomorrow is Girls' Pamper Day...going to have manicures with Julie, Hannah, and Ana. Looking forward to it.

Wedding Dress Update

Well, I just tried on the wedding dress and it still fits and I still like it. I've been having some irrational fear around those two things.

I was not really sure I would dress "like a bride". I knew there was no way I was wearing white, and I wasn't too sure about ivory. But I found a "special occaisions" ivory dress that I liked and that was on sale. Winner!

Hopefully soon I'll be able to post some pics.

I'm off to the ball game. GO TWINS!!!

Boring a.m. blog

I'm not fully awake...I'm trying to stay relaxed and in vacation mode. Normally I'd be out the door about now. Today (this whole week) I'm off and going to the Twins game at Noon! Yes! Hopefully we'll sweep the White Sox today...the punks.

I didn't get to sleep till 3 am Monday night...or Tuesday morning, depending on how you look at it. That made for a sluggish day yesterday. Last night I half-slept through the Twins game (on tv). It was a great win though.

I did manage to finish writing the vows though. I think it's good. It's a toss-up who will be more nervous that day--Joel or me. I think I should remember to bring kleenix.

O.k. I've got to get some diet coke in my system. I can't be creative or witty when I'm a quart short of diet coke.

Writing the wedding vows

It's late. Joel went to bed hours ago. It seems the cold that he got over a week ago may have turned into a sinus infection. He took some cold medicene and I think he may be comatose until the wedding.

I, however, cannot sleep. It's too late to do cleaning (for me anyways). And yet, with the wedding less than a week away, it seems like there's so much to do and I can't just sit and watch t.v.

Maybe this would be a good time to write the wedding vows?

Joel and I are planning a simple ceremony. I want something that is special and unique to us. Sometimes I envision a ceremony that is very light hearted, short and sweet. Other times the romantic part of me wants something more sentimental and emotional. Some people are betting I might cry (I just teared up). But I also hate being in front of a crowd, so factor in all the anxiety I'm experiencing around that. (It doesn't help that I'm marrying a man with a background in theater that loves to be in front of an audience). Maybe I could have an actress read my part? I guess that's not an option.

We are working with this local wedding site to plan our wedding. It's through them (www.budgetweddings.info) that we found the officiant--Reverend Maverick--who will perform our ceremony. (Reverend Maverick...makes the ceremony sound fun already). So "The Rev" sent us some guidelines to use in writing the ceremony. I also googled "wedding vows" and found a site that got me going in the right direction.

So tomorrow when I'm feeling fresh, I think I'll be able to write the vows. Something that is short and sweet and at times, light hearted. But something that is also, just as I am, sentimental and emotional.

And I don't care if I end up crying.

Mother-son shopping

I went shopping with Cyrus today to buy his outfit for the wedding...or try to buy his outfit. Cyrus was open to only two color options for his shirt. White or black. Now I'm a big fan of color and don't normally think in only black/white terms. We trudged from one store to the next, also trying to look for shoes along the way. Complicating things, Cy is somewhat difficult to buy for because of his size--he's tall and very, very lean (virtually no waist and definitely no hips).

Finally at Sears (the last stop I think both of us could handle) we had some luck. We found a white shirt we could both agree on (it had some texture to it, so that made it more interesting to me). Cy tried it on and then we were looking at ties. As Cy is holding up ties (which he also narrowed to only those with diagonal stripes or solid colored...I was hoping he wouldn't look like a missionary for my wedding) Cy decided the white shirt was a no-go. Unreal. Thankfully, we quickly found a black shirt and an agreeable tie.

The good news is the black shirt and tie won't clash with his new lip ring.

Cutting the umbilical cord

It may not be all that safe for me to be behind the wheel this coming week. My tolerance for dumb-witted drivers is at an all-time low. This morning Joel and I set out to do weekly chores and it seemed like no one knew where they were going or how to get there. One driver tried to straddle two lanes as she made up her mind on where to go. I wanted to tell her where to go, but we wisely skirted past her and went on our merry way.

Joel got a shirt for his suit today, so his wedding attire is all set. I still need to get shoes and a shawl. I also will be helping my son pick out an outfit. Yesterday Cy called to tell me he was "thinking" about getting his lip pierced. Then his phone cut out. When I reached him later to suggest that he wait till after the wedding, his response was "too late". I think the trade-off is that now I get to dress him in whatever outfit I like (probably the final opportunity for doing that).

Ana called this morning to ask if I knew what my son had just done (this comes from the girl who pierced who labrum at 16. Cy is 20). She believes (and I agree) that Cyrus is going through some late rebellious adolescent phase. As uncomfortable as that may be for me, I know it's just another phase of life. Better to get it out of your system now than when life demands you to be "more responsible". Partly I'm glad I'm not living with him now. However, that only turns down the "mommy worry meter" a notch or two. He's a good kid. I just always want him to be safe. I don't think it matters how old your kids get. You always worry about getting that phone call telling you they've been hurt or worse.

Well, that's not quite the direction I intended on going, but a moment or two of reflection is always a good thing. Especially in the midst of change. It's a big deal to be living without "my children" for the first time. It's a big deal for me. It's a big deal for them. Sometimes I miss them like crazy and sometimes I feel guilty pleasure in being "free". The funny thing is that the thin invisible umbilical cord that runs between us still seems to be there. And probably always will.

Being a Bride

We got our first wedding gift today (thank you Julie!). After I ripped it open, I thought "maybe I was supposed to wait" -- but too late. It was so fun receiving our first gift (and one from our registry at Target, my favorite store). It's not about receiving gifts that made it such a delight (although that part is pretty nice too). It's about ... I'm getting married. I'm going to be a bride. It's the start of our life as husband and wife.

For those who don't know, I didn't do any of this the first time around. The first time around, I got married in the judge's chambers. Our wedding night included our two children with us at the Holiday Inn. My family, except for my sister, did not know about the wedding until after the event. There was no party or celebration. There was no being a bride.

Now I consider myself a modern woman. A feminist even. Hey, I'm still keeping my birth name this second time around. But part of me, wants this celebration. Part of me, wants to mark this special event in front of the people who mean so much to me. And part of me, wants to be the bride for this one day in my life. Hey, I've waited a long time for this and I'm one happy woman.

So today, I had my pre-wedding haircut and made wedding small-talk with the hairdresser. Joel's wedding ring arrived and thankfully, fit. We picked up my wedding ring, which finally returned from being re-sized.

And I'm wearing it right now just for the thrill of it.

PMS

I am tired. And feeling a little bit bitchy. Mostly it's the tired part and being a little overwhelmed. Given the title of my blog, I think it's fair game to write about PMS. My period is overdue. NO. I am not worried about being pregnant. That ship has sailed. I am tired though of craving salt and then sweet stuff when I have a wedding dress to wear in less than 2 weeks. I am tired of feeling bloated. And I would just like to get my period so I don't have to worry about having it on the wedding day (when I'm wearing an ivory dress).

O.k. I'm done. I just needed to get that off my chest.

Butterflies

Someone asked me today if I had "butterflies" about the wedding. Am I nervous about getting married? No, I have no fears that I am marrying the right man. I'm not scared about being married and the commitment that entails. I have no doubt that Joel will make a good husband and as we both said the night of our engagement, we should have a "lot of fun growing old together".

Nope. My anxiety is about whether the big zit on my chin will clear up by the day of the wedding. My anxiety is about whether the humidity will be so bad that day that my hair will frizz into one big 'fro. My anxiety is about being in front of a group of people and stumbling through our wedding vows (which we've yet to write). All those are pretty small things in the whole scheme of things. I don't imagine in 5, 10, 20 years that I'll remember those things.

What I hope to be doing in 5, 10, 20 years is having a lot of fun growing old with this man that keeps me laughing every single day. Sounds good to me.

Plop!

Joel & I ventured out this evening for a short walk through the city park nearby (Mears Park). It's nice to be living in the heart of the city but still have so many parks and green space nearby. Mears Park has a small stream that runs through it and also small garden spots that residents can "adopt" and plant flowers in. Maybe next year...

On our way back from the park, Joel suddenly screeched and I gave him a look...a pigeon from atop the building we were walking by had just unloaded and deposited his dinner on Joel's coat. It was hilarious.

Ah, the joys of city living.

2 weeks and counting...

The wedding is 2 weeks from today! It amazes me that time has flown so quickly and the wedding day will be here in the blink of an eye. There are moments when I can forget about everything that needs to be done and just find joy in the fact that soon I will be a married woman.

We are having a very simple, small wedding. It will be an intimate gathering of about 20 people for the ceremony and the brunch that follows. We are holding everything at Forepaughs--which is an old victorian mansion in St. Paul. If it's a nice day (weather-wise) we will conduct the ceremony on the 2nd floor terrace and then move to the adjoining room for the brunch. If it's rainy, we'll have the ceremony in a room on the lower floor. Please, pray for some sun (or at least no rain) that day.

I'm not sure how people plan BIG weddings. Although our wedding is small, there's still plenty of details to take care of. Generally, my head is filled with a running list of things to do, things to shop for... Big stuff has been taken care of--we have a venue (Forepaughs), we have an officiant, I have a wedding dress (as of last Friday) and Joel has a suit (as of this Friday). Now there are the smaller details to take care of...shoes for me, a shirt for Joel, clothes for my kids, flowers, wedding favors...

Although our wedding is small, we are still planning to have a larger celebration later in the summer so we can celebrate with our wider circle of family and friends. We haven't quite figured out a date or venue for that, but I hope we can figure that out soon. We are thinking of having a large picnic...something casual, fun where people can come & go and just have a good time. Sometimes I feel "bad" that I'm not able to invite more people to our wedding ceremony...I've waited a long time for this day and I want to share the day with lots of family and friends. I'm thinking the picnic celebration will be that day.

Setting up the kitchen

Watching the Twins beat Milwaukee (Twins baseball is one of my passions). I have thought about writing a Twins baseball blog from the female fan's perspective...maybe someday. Expect to see the subject of baseball creep up here frequently.

Joel (my fiancee) is sick with a cold. Since he was laying low this afternoon and his kids did not come over, I tackled the job of re-organizing the kitchen. I moved into Joel's apartment in lowertown St. Paul last month. I love the location--his apartment overlooks the St. Paul Farmers Market. On the weekends I can go down and buy fresh produce, flowers, veggies...all locally grown. The apartment has lots of character--high ceilings, exposed timbers, big windows...the building is formerly a rubber company that was converted to apartments several years ago.

Joel and I debated moving into a "new place", but his apartment had so much charm and plenty of space (2 bedrooms & 2 bathrooms). Plus it is handicapped accessible for his daughter. So I moved here. Part of the challenges of that kind of move is that you're moving somewhere where someone is already established. Joel has been very good about it all--making room for my stuff and encouraging me to re-organize things as well.

So, back to the kitchen...I've been trying to adjust to the new kitchen & squeeze my stuff in with minimal re-organizing. Last weekend I helped my daughter set up her new kitchen...and thought what great fun it was to start fresh. I decided in order to feel truly at home here, I needed to start-over with the kitchen. I love to cook and bake and I've been doing that here more and more. So today, as Joel lay sleeping away his cold, I pulled nearly everything out of the cupboards and re-organized. (I also made Joel some homemade chicken noodle soup...I am sooo domestic sometimes). I think it's good. Now I can open the cupboards and feel like I'm home.

It's good to be home.

Entering the world of blogging...

Well, here I enter the world of blogging. I've always enjoyed personal writing/journaling and in today's world this seems the easiest way to do it. In the past few months it's become a habit of mine to read the blogs of two friends, Stacy and Mel (when I figure it out you'll see their links here). Since I've enjoyed reading their blog, I thought it time I start my own.

Much in my life is changing...I am getting married in 2 weeks (after being single almost 20 years). For the first time in over 20 years, I am living without my children--Ana & Cyrus. Well, I guess at 22 and 20 they can't be called "children" any longer. But it's a major change, not living with my kids, not being "mom" in a sense. And quite a change to be living with my soon-to-be husband.

So this will be a place to write about all these different events in my life. I'm looking forward to the adventures of the second half of my life.