Saturday, May 26, 2007

Cutting the umbilical cord

It may not be all that safe for me to be behind the wheel this coming week. My tolerance for dumb-witted drivers is at an all-time low. This morning Joel and I set out to do weekly chores and it seemed like no one knew where they were going or how to get there. One driver tried to straddle two lanes as she made up her mind on where to go. I wanted to tell her where to go, but we wisely skirted past her and went on our merry way.

Joel got a shirt for his suit today, so his wedding attire is all set. I still need to get shoes and a shawl. I also will be helping my son pick out an outfit. Yesterday Cy called to tell me he was "thinking" about getting his lip pierced. Then his phone cut out. When I reached him later to suggest that he wait till after the wedding, his response was "too late". I think the trade-off is that now I get to dress him in whatever outfit I like (probably the final opportunity for doing that).

Ana called this morning to ask if I knew what my son had just done (this comes from the girl who pierced who labrum at 16. Cy is 20). She believes (and I agree) that Cyrus is going through some late rebellious adolescent phase. As uncomfortable as that may be for me, I know it's just another phase of life. Better to get it out of your system now than when life demands you to be "more responsible". Partly I'm glad I'm not living with him now. However, that only turns down the "mommy worry meter" a notch or two. He's a good kid. I just always want him to be safe. I don't think it matters how old your kids get. You always worry about getting that phone call telling you they've been hurt or worse.

Well, that's not quite the direction I intended on going, but a moment or two of reflection is always a good thing. Especially in the midst of change. It's a big deal to be living without "my children" for the first time. It's a big deal for me. It's a big deal for them. Sometimes I miss them like crazy and sometimes I feel guilty pleasure in being "free". The funny thing is that the thin invisible umbilical cord that runs between us still seems to be there. And probably always will.

1 comment:

Stacy said...

but i wanted to hear that some day you do stop worrying! Can't you write a "white lie" blog and tell me that once you live apart you loose all the fears and worries ... please??? I am tired of worrying!