I apologize for being a little slow on the blogging side. I did start my baseball blog this past week (check it out: http://www.curlzandcurveballs.blogspot.com/). But I think I've also been "catching up" with all the BIG changes in my life these past few months.
In the past 3 months, I have 1) moved into Joel's place (now "our" place); 2) gotten married; and 3) changed jobs. Change is good and all that...but it's still change. Even good change (and it's all been good!) is exhausting. This weekend, I'm sure due in part to hormonal shifts that are similar in nature to the tremors or whatever that precede earthquakes, I have been close to tears more times than I would like to count.
Let me just say, Joel has been super. This morning we went down to the Farmer's Market and Joel signed me up for a short chair massage. The massage therapist asked me where I wanted her to work and I told her that she would be able to tell. Umm, start with the rocks that are my shoulder blades. (It did help. So did the flowers that Joel bought me at the market on Saturday).
I think it's this-- that even with everything good that you gain with change, you are still giving up something to make room for that change. It's about loss. Even if it's things I'm ready to give up, it's still something I'm giving up.
So, going back to Change #1: I LOVE living in "our" place. For the most part, I feel at home here. I certainly love being here with Joel and creating our new home. But in order to make this change, I gave up being a live-in mom. It was time for that change to happen. Time for me and time for my kids. But I am a mom. When Joel's kids are here during the weekend, I'm more aware of missing my kids and missing "mothering" them. I miss having them spend time hanging with me at home. I miss cooking for them; including making their favorite foods and hearing their appreciation for fixing the things they like. I miss the easiness of our relatioships. The really annoying thing about mothering from "afar" is that it really doesn't mean you worry about them any less. I hate that. In a sense, I feel less able to care for and protect them. I know--they're adults. How DID that happen?
Change #2: Getting married. I think this is the easy one. 3 weeks today. I know, we're still newlyweds and it will get harder. But I'm confident we will be able to weather the changes that will keep coming our way. I like our lives together.
Change #3: Changing jobs. I think this change has already led to reduced stress. But today I was aware that I was also missing my "Y kids". Some of my staff were my children's ages, but plenty were actually my age or close to it. But in a sense, they were my kids. Given how I left my job, I don't feel like I can just drop in to say "hi". I hope they're all doing well. I think about them more than they can imagine.
So, I'll just keep plugging along. I think as my "new life" becomes more routine, the changes will feel...well, less like change. I'll be able to appreciate more and more all the new things my life now includes...like taking off with Joel on Saturday mornings to visit multiple Farmer's Markets (which we did this weekend).
Yes, change is good.